I got a word today, a word concerning this past year and the years to come. A word of confirmation, a word of warning, a word of hope. It was both prophetic and explanatory. It was exactly what I needed and Jacob received it too at the same time.
The first part explained what we've been through...the wilderness
This past year has been the worst! At one point a month ago Jacob said that he just needed SOMETHING to go right. It was a lot if little things-just constant attack and of course, our adoption. I haven't written much about the details of what has taken place over the last couple months. Mostly to protect the process. It's a lot to explain and as soon as I'm able I will. I can say there have been a lot of ups and downs. One day we are making progress and the next it's a dead end and we are told they can never be adopted. I know only those who have adopted can fully understand the love you can have for a child you've never met. I can tell you this, every time we hit a dead end it was like watching one of our children die. We suffered their deaths over and over again. I have never grieved the way we did this year and I never want to see Jacob hurt that way again.
But it wasn't just us. The whole world has been mourning. This was a year of great suffering and great attack for many. I began to feel the weight at the beginning of December, the urgency to pray and fast, knowing that the enemy was going to finish this year out with all he had. Nothing could have prepared me for all that happened across the world this month.
I looked at Jacob during worship this morning with hope when it hit me-"it's over, this year is finally ending!"
But now, this is what the Lord says— he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. (Isaiah 43:1, 2 NIV)
2013-the year of discipline, progress, building up, growth, hope...
This is a new beginning. This is the place we begin to rebuild. We make small changes in our lives. We pray for big changes in the world. Jacob and I actually kept our resolutions last year. This year we are continuing those and adding a few new ones. This is the year to break chains-stop those bad habits, characteristics. This is the year to become more organized, to work harder, to dig deeper to make all of our "I wish I were more..."'s into part of who we are-every day.
We know this is going to be a year of waiting. The kids (aside from a miracle) will not be coming home this year. But we will press on and prepare for their arrival.
Scott preached a great word today. A couple scriptures he shared that fell in line with what the Spirit was teaching me.
Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 3:12-14 NIV)
“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. (Isaiah 43:18, 19 NIV)
2014-the year of fulfillment, blessing, celebration, victory
I don't know what all God has in store but those are the words He used. I do know that our babies should be sleeping in their warm cozy beds in OUR home by March of 2014 according to the timeline we've been given.
This year, while difficult has also been a great year.
In 2012 the Father gave me His heart for orphans. Some days I wish I could go back to living ignorantly. Sometimes knowing the conditions they are living in is more than I can bare. But nothing compares to knowing His heart, to feeling what He feels, to grasping how wide, how long, how high, how deep is His love for these children!
In 2012 I became a mother of 6. I may be yet to hold them, but in my heart they are mine and I long for the day I will kiss their sweet faces every morning and tuck them into bed at night.
2012 has been full of miracles. God has placed just the right people in just the right moments to direct and guide us in this journey. He is truly writing Captain and Sister's redemption story for their good and His glory.
In 2012 I felt Gods comfort, His guidance and learned more than ever that He is in control and my job is to surrender. To quote a sweet and wise friend
" God is the God of the impossible and His ways are always right. I am learning (slowly and painfully and fitfully) to live a surrendered life – surrendering the moments as they come in confidence that surrendered moments equal a surrendered life which pleases God and accomplishes all that He gives me to do. When I feel myself anxious, stressed and striving, I know I am not surrendered. You are in the “deep end of the pool” for surrendering, but it really is the only way to actually do anything."