Truthfully while I am super busy and maybe a bit lazy too, I haven't blogged because I have only had ugly things to say. This past year has been such a season of doubt. I have never for a minute doubted His existence but man have I wrestled through every aspect of His character. I also really came to despise the western church and all it's materialism and performance. I'm still working through that one...maybe I'll have some wisdom to share one day. Here are some things I learned
1. Hopelessness is a dark and lonely feeling.
2. I am not the first first person to work through this and won't be the last. So when you find yourself there...know you are not alone.
3.The world is full of darkness and evil. Praise God this is not my home.
There is also some good to be found. THINK ON THESE THINGS! Your survival depends on it.
4. People make terrible choices. We are selfish. Even a lot of the good done by Christians and the church is done for selfish reasons. It makes us "feel good." Thank You Jesus for using us anyway. Some how He found a way to love us. I have to choose to love others (and myself too)
5. I have been called to something greater than myself. I cannot do it. I am in the deep end and I cannot swim. He loves me. Just as I would never stand by as one of my littles drowned. Neither will He. He will accomplish His purpose and I have the honor of being used. Again, praise God this is not my home.
6. I have to obey-act out my faith to experience the joy of seeing His plan unfold.
7. I know that I know that I know that He is good and He is faithful even when I am faithless
That said...here is a little update on the Holt family adoption. As you probably know, our region has been closed due to the war. It has seemed rather hopeless.
So in the wait, God told us very clearly (in some crazy undeniable ways) to start the process of fostering to adopt. We said no. Then we said it again and again. I don't know if it was fear of the unknown, fear of getting hurt, fear of judgement form others... but we were afraid and we said no.
Then we said yes (this is probably shocking our friends and family right now. We were so reluctant that we really didn't bother to share the news). Well...we sort of said yes. We verbally said we would and then did nothing about it. Finally after sitting on it a while longer we took those first steps and found an agency and started the process. Would you believe that immediately after I got a message from our facilitator with news that our region was OPEN! I'm talking minutes apart y'all-minutes! I can't help but think that God was just waiting for me to obey
So now we are basically starting over, We just had another home study and are getting to work on all that paperwork. We also have to hire an agency now due to a change in the law-basically paying someone a lot of money to get someone to sign off on work they didn't do??? Oh well, at this point we are just thankful things are moving!!!!!
Hold on kids! We are coming! You are not forgotten!!!!
And now as promised, the next 2 little Holt bios....
Have you met the Gatorbug? Seriously, this kid!!! He is our snuggler. He would cuddle all day. He is about as sweet as they come...until he isn't. He says he is learning to control his anger-and he is! This little guy really understands what drives him to yell or stomp and is really working and making progress. No kid is perfect. A 5 year who sees his faults and works on them...THAT is something special!
Joshie is also quite clever. He's always planning his next big business. We joke (sorta...kind of serious) that he'll either run a successful company or be a conman.
He is very protective of his family and pets. He really cares about people. If you take the time to understand him and really know him, you will fall in love!
My girl Melody is 110% whatever she is feeling at the moment and there's really no way to predict her reactions. She is so much fun and so much drama. This girl loves to sing and write songs. She also loves to put on plays. If you've ever been to our house you've probably experienced one and understand why the word is "experienced." She is an amazing artist and has recently started writing stories too. She takes after her dad in so many ways. I think my favorite thing about Melo is what a little mommy she is. She loves taking care of babies and toddlers. I'm pretty sure she would gladly raise Caleb and Abigail all on her own if I let her. She is also very smart and funny. Sometimes she will just be silly but others times her jokes are so clever and intelligent. Her giggles are contagious. Melody cannot be ignored. She will always make sure she gets all the attention she deserves. Of all my kids, she is the one I most look forward to seeing all grown up. She could do/be just about anything and I can't wait to find out how He uses her.