Catching up

I've been putting off posting for a while now. I wanted some BIG news to share but that just hasn't happened...yet. I think its coming though, tomorrow actually!!!!
So before tomorrow I guess I should catch up a little.

First a huge THANKS to everyone who helped with the fundraisers for Beatrice! Not only were we able to raise over $2,000 but Sweet B has a committed family coming to her rescue! Hopefully she will be safe at home in Mama's arms this summer. They still have a ways to go so keep them in your prayers. I'm going to leave the link on my blog (ok, partially because I had to get someone else to add it and I have no idea how to take it off ;)) so if you feel led please continue to support them. Adoption is expensive but these children are in desparate need. You have been called to help and if you can't adopt please give!
Here is the link to her amazing family's blog if you'd like to follow their journey.

and second....a little bit of Christmas! This year we were able to visit Grandpa Don and Grandma Gail in Virginia. It was beautiful and we had a great time

The kids got to meet their new little cousin Lilly

We got to see some SNOW!

It was wonderful!

Of course the trip home....well, it will always be a great story

Our flight was extended by an hour because of weather. Normally no big deal but there was this baby...
I'm pretty relaxed with noise. I'm used to crying and I completely understand how hard traveling is on a little one but this was crazy! Literally 4 hours of non stop screaming. I was so impressed by the kindness and patience of everyone on that plane. It was truly remarkable. Still it was a great relief when we landed. We got our bags and waited for the car seat...and waited...and waited. Finally Jacob pulled the car up and me and the kids loaded while he when to figure out where the car seat was. I loaded the last bag and closed the back hatch...and it popped right back open. It was broken. Would not latch. So here we are parked at the airport pickup, 30 degrees freezing, back door open and Jacob comes with the news that our carseat never made it on the plane! He decided to work on the door while the airport found us a loaner seat. Unfortunately the key he used to try and fix the door was also the one needed to start the car and it BROKE! At this point we had to just laugh and face the fact that we would never leave that airport! We made the most of it. Ate a delicious vending machine dinner, bundled up in our freezing van and watched movies on the IPad while we waited for my awesome dad to come to our rescue.

We also enjoyed some much needed playtime with our California cousins. Kristy and I even managed to get a few hours away and discovered these FRIED AVOCADOS!

We had our annual group anniversary date (minus Hannah and Daniel who were home with their new Bundle)

A night out with the sisters

And finally our own little family Christmas. Melody has turned popstar

And the family gift was the best gift ever. They have not gone a day without a Nerf war since!

 In other news Caleb is now only referring to himself as BatBaby

My newest niece is here and we are ALL IN LOVE!

Miss Peyton is a doll and we can't get enough of her!









After Christmas we were able to Celebrate Sweet Sister's 5th Birthday. Praying she'll be here with us for #6!

I can see the light....

I got a word today, a word concerning this past year and the years to come. A word of confirmation, a word of warning, a word of hope. It was both prophetic and explanatory. It was exactly what I needed and Jacob received it too at the same time. 

The first part explained what we've been through...the wilderness

2012-the year of challenge, attack, tearing down, feeling defeated....

This past year has been the worst! At one point a month ago Jacob said that he just needed SOMETHING to go right. It was a lot if little things-just constant attack and of course, our adoption. I haven't written much about the details of what has taken place over the last couple months. Mostly to protect the process. It's a lot to explain and as soon as I'm able I will. I can say there have been a lot of ups and downs. One day we are making progress and the next it's a dead end and we are told they can never be adopted. I know only those who have adopted can fully understand the love you can have for a child you've never met. I can tell you this, every time we hit a dead end it was like watching one of our children die. We suffered  their deaths over and over again. I have never grieved the way we did this year and I never want to see Jacob hurt that way again. 

But it wasn't just us. The whole world has been mourning. This was a year of great suffering and great attack for many. I began to feel the weight at the beginning of December, the urgency to pray and fast, knowing that the enemy was going to finish this year out with all he had. Nothing could have prepared me for all that happened across the world this month. 

I looked at Jacob during worship this morning with hope when it hit me-"it's over, this year is finally ending!"

But now, this is what the  Lord  says— he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.    When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. (Isaiah 43:1, 2 NIV)

2013-the year of discipline, progress, building up, growth, hope...

This is a new beginning. This is the place we begin to rebuild. We make small changes in our lives. We pray for big changes in the world. Jacob and I actually kept our resolutions last year. This year we are continuing those and adding a few new ones. This is the year to break chains-stop those bad habits, characteristics. This is the year to become more organized, to work harder, to dig deeper to make all of our "I wish I were more..."'s into part of who we are-every day. 

We know this is going to be a year of waiting. The kids (aside from a miracle) will not be coming home this year. But we will press on and prepare for their arrival.

Scott preached a great word today. A couple scriptures he shared that fell in line with what the Spirit was teaching me.

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.  Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,  I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 3:12-14 NIV)

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.    See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. (Isaiah 43:18, 19 NIV)

2014-the year of fulfillment, blessing, celebration, victory

I don't know what all God has in store but those are the words He used. I do know that our babies should be sleeping in their warm cozy beds in OUR home by March of 2014 according to the timeline we've been given.

This year, while difficult has also been a great year. 

In 2012 the Father gave me His heart for orphans. Some days I wish I could go back to living ignorantly. Sometimes knowing the conditions they are living in is more  than I can bare. But nothing compares to knowing His heart, to feeling what He feels, to grasping how wide, how long, how high, how deep is His love for these children! 

In 2012 I became a mother of 6. I may be yet to hold them, but in my heart they are mine and I long for the day I will kiss their sweet faces every morning and tuck them into bed at night.

2012 has been full of miracles. God has placed just the right people in just the right moments to direct and guide us in this journey. He is truly writing Captain and Sister's redemption story for their good and His glory. 

In 2012 I felt Gods comfort, His guidance and learned more than ever that He is in control and my job is to surrender. To quote a sweet and wise friend

" God is the God of the impossible and His ways are always right.  I am learning (slowly and painfully and fitfully) to live a surrendered life – surrendering the moments as they come in confidence that surrendered moments equal a surrendered life which pleases God and accomplishes all that He gives me to do.  When I feel myself anxious, stressed and striving, I know I am not surrendered.  You are in the “deep end of the pool” for surrendering, but it really is the only way to actually do anything."

When the unthinkable happens...

When the unthinkable happens...

We are shocked

 We come together as families, communities...

We grieve

We fight for changes

Our eyes are opened to the evil of this world

In between tragedies we live in an ignorant bliss...but evil does not sleep

Heinous crimes against children reach beyond mass shootings

They happen everyday

Silently

In the darkest places

The children are suffering

Dying

Alone

And nobody is shocked

No communities coming together to do something

Too few grieving

Too few fighting for change

We close our eyes to the evil in this world

We choose to live in ignorant bliss

They don't get that choice

Honor a life lost by saving another

PRAY.ADVOCATE.GIVE.ADOPT

"All that is required for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing"

-Edmond Burke

"So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin. "(James 4:17 ESV)

Let's Play the GIVEAWAY Game!!!

I want to see Beatrice's fund over $2000 before December. So here is what I will do if it reads $2000 on December 1.

If it reads at or above:

$750-I will give away this Scentsy warmer plus 3 bars just in time for your Christmas countdown!








$1000-I'll give away this Miracle skincare set that retails for $90! Perfect gift for any lady on your list (or a treat for yourself.)

 $1500- Choose from ant Beach Body workout program-Body Combat, P90X, Insanity, Les Mills Pump....up to $165.85 value!

$2000-A $200 Amazon gift card!!! Get your Christmas shopping done without breaking the bank








Here's how you can play!

*Share this blogpost on your Facebook page-1 entry (only once every 10 days)

*Share Beatrice in your personal blog (including this link) for 1 entry (limit 1)

*Add 10 friends (that are not in group already) to the Miles for Beatrice facebook group  for 1 entry (limit 2)

*Get 1 entry for every $10 you donate to her fund! (no limit) This is so easy and tax deductible. PLUS if you make a donation of $35 or more RR will send you a lovely Christmas ornament!
This includes your pledges for Miles for Beatrice IF you go ahead and make your donation before December 1. Don't worry, I'll get all 150 in!

*Get 1 entry for each order of tamales. Next order on November 17.

* 3 entries for purchasing a Miracle set from Hannah Jones who is donating all profits to Sweet Miss B!

*1 entry for playing in our charity poker tournament

*3 additional entries for the winner of the tournament!

Please send me an email (sarah.m.holt@gmail.com) or fb message each time you donate or share so I can keep a fair total. Save receipt for online donation for proof if you are the winner. If you have already donated or purchased tamales, don't worry. I got your entry already.

A Full Kind of Empty

Who knew a heart could feel so empty and yet so full! The Christmas presents I ordered Captain and Sister came yesterday. I knew all along they wouldn't be here by Christmas but they were already part of our family, and I knew they would at least be home by summer and it just felt...right. I made the mistake of taking Captain's out of the box. It's his. He may have never touched it but in my heart I was holding something that belonged to him. I can't imagine how silly it sounds to everyone else. Even I can't understand how I can feel so much heartache over someone I've never met. But I do.

How do you fall in love with a photo? How can one heart love so many?

I remember when Isaiah was a baby and I knew I could never love another child the way I loved him. I actually felt incredible guilt throughout my pregnancy with Melo. I just knew it was impossible to divide that love. And then I saw her. She was fat and wrinkley and red. She had black hair and eyes and looked nothing like me...but she was mine and suddenly I got it. My love was not divided. It was multiplied. With each addition to our family I have been amazed with the ability to love so much! I hear it everywhere I go. "Are those ALL yours? Bless your heart!" I feel sorry for them. They don't understand just how blessed my heart is! Each child brings the blessing of more love to give and receive!

I spend a lot of time searching the orphan listings. Deep down I hope to find Captain and Sister.  Every morning (and often during the night) I check and recheck.  Maybe it was all a bad dream? Maybe just a mistake that's been fixed?  They might be there this time....Even though I have been disappointed time and time again when they are not there I will not stop. I would rather live each day with hope, even at the risk of being let down then to live hopeless.

And I love so many more. Not the way I do Captain and Sister, but I do care deeply for so many children. He has again multiplied my love. We pray for them often and rejoice when one of them is chosen to be part of a family. Beatrice is one that I have loved for some time now. I can't tell you how it has blessed my aching heart to feel the body of Christ rising up to meet her needs. The fundraising is already coming along so well. Seeing hope brought to her situation brings both hope and healing to my heart. Thank you!

It was a hard decision to take on this project. I've been selfishly holding back our money and fundraising ideas for our adoption, but I really felt God lead us to be Christmas Warriors this year. He encouraged me to give 100% for Beatrice and trust Him to provide when it's our turn. Reluctantly I agreed and how blessed I have been already!

"In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, 'It is more blessed to give than to receive.'" (Acts 20:35 ESV)

"Give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you." (Luke 6:38 ESV)

The "Miles for Beatrice" project is going well. I'm getting those miles in and thrilled to see so many pledging their support and even starting their own "Miles for Beatrice" projects! We still need more pledges. Please contact me by email (sarah.m.holt@gmail.com) or FaceBook to learn more and pledge. I am also taking orders for homemade tamales. They are $15 for a dozen and will be delivered fresh November 3. I can only offer a few dozen more before I have to stop taking orders(she can only make so many in a day) but I will do it again in a week or 2 if we have enough interest. Please email of FB me to place your order. For other ways you can help read my previous post.

One more easy thing you can do!
There is a company giving $50,000 to the charity with the most votes. It ends in just a few days but you can vote every day until then. Reece's Rainbow is in 2nd place. Please take 10 seconds to vote for RR! The money will be divided between these 10 sweet children who need homes.

VOTE HERE


Thank you all for your support. This sweet girl has no idea how many are praying for her rescue.

Take up the cause of the fatherless

Waiting, waiting, waiting...
That is literally all we can do. Everything is completely out of our hands and information is hard to come by.  I feel like I am learning to trust God more than I ever wanted to. I have no choice.
Emotionally it's still a rollercoaster. I feel pretty good most of the time, until I don't. Sunday at church I saw a girl wearing a Cookie Monster shirt just like my Captain in the only photo I have of him...just one

It hit me that that one picture is all I have. I know a lot more about Sister, but of him that's it. I don't know his birthday, how long he's been there, what he likes/dislikes....nothing
And worse than that he doesn't know me. He doesn't even know I exist. He has no idea how much he is loved, longed for, prayed for...

 "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” Exodus 14:14

I have finally concluded that its out of MY hands and there's nothing other than praying I can do for my kids right now, BUT there are so many others! So we have decided to participate in Reece's Rainbow's Christmas Angel Tree Warrior program. There are still many orphans in need of a Christmas Warrior if you feel led.

 "Learn to do right; seek justice. Defend the oppressed.Take up the cause of the fatherless;
    plead the case of the widow.^" Isaiah 1:17
 
From November 1 to December 31 we will be raising funds and awareness for a special little girl. if you follow my FaceBook you've probably noticed that our family has loved her for a while and now we have a chance to help find her family and raise money towards her adoption.
Meet Beatrice

Imagine being in a crib all day with no one to love on and play with you
Imagine also not being able to see or smell
That is her life EVERY DAY
She desperately needs a family to love her, play with her and provide the medical care and surgeries to help her reach her full potential.
I need your help! Here is what YOU can do

1. PRAY
2. Advocate on her behalf. Share this link. Spread the word. Help her family find her!
3.Give- there are so many ways you can do this!

I am trying a few things to raise funds and get her story out there.

1.We will be hosting a couple of poker tournaments. If that is some thing you would like to participate in please contact me by FB or email (sarah.m.holt@gmail.com)

2. I am running Miles for Beatrice. I am asking for pledges (10, 25 or 50 cents per mile) for miles run between now and Christmas day (with a max of 150 miles). To pledge you can email me or post to this FB group where I will be updating as I log miles. Some people are pledging and running miles themselves too!

3. Hosting a 5k...maybe?
This is dependent on donations from sponsors. I need  the money to plan and hold the event first. So if you or someone you know have a business that would like to be a sponsor just email or call (817.988.3974)
It is a great chance to advertise and save a life at the same time.

4. Shop! I will be donating 100% of the profits from my Scentsy and BeachBody businesses for the rest of 2012

 5. Go on a date! I would love to have your kids come play while you go out. Call, FB or email to book a Friday or Saturday evening while there are still spaces available.

6. Pamper yourself! My sister Hannah Jones is a Mary Kay sales director and has donated 10 Miracle Skincare sets! They are $100 each and all of the money will go towards bringing sweet Baby Beatrice home! To purchase yours just email Hannah at hannahjonesmk@gmail.com.

    

21 days

The day we received the heartbreaking news we committed 21 days to prayer and fasting. We were begging God for a miracle...for some sort of direction. You see the region our babies are in is difficult at best. We have no legal hold and no one to help us. We are flying blind and with no flying experience. So for 3 weeks I've pleaded and quite honestly we have really struggled. Adoption is such a faith walk regardless, but trying to adopt kids who are considered unavailable for adoption takes a little extra faith and a whole lot of hope.

So Monday was the 21st day and nothing had really changed and I was beginning to feel some doubts. At midnight (the very first moments of day 21) I was searching the internet...again. I have searched their names with various combinations of the city they are in, orphanage name...everything just desperately trying to find out anything about them. And though I'd tried a hundred times and found nothing, this time was different. I stumbled upon a blog of another mom who is an adoption advocate who had written a post on our Sister!!! It was an older post but it was my girl! So I immediately left a desperate comment with my contact info and went to bed praying she would help me. Of course I checked my email the second I woke and found a message with a phone number of a different mom (friend of the blogger). I called and was thrilled to find that she too had loved my Sister. They had actually tried to adopt her a year and a half ago before she was eligible (do to laws on age for international adoption) and had adopted another angel from her orphanage. They have been praying for her rescue ever since. She had more info on her than anyone I had spoken with so far and pictures and videos!!!! Can you imagine?!!!!! I have watched them a hundred times! My little girl playing and dancing. There is no doubt she's a Holt. She's got our moves. She looked like she was in the middle of a Holt family dance party. I even got some pictures of her as a toddler. I feel like I'm getting a glimpse of the years I've missed out on. It was a precious gift from a loving Father reminding me that He's got this.

 http://youtu.be/sHYpRdqn4lc
My girl is the cutie on the left at the beginning in the red dress and white headscarf with pink flowers.. If you watch a few minutes you'll see her marching to the beat of her own drum on the outskirts,throwing in some classic Isaiah moves!

She also still has contacts there and is helping me. I do not believe in coincidence but in an omnipotent, omniscient God who is working all things for the good of those who love Him... I feel the mountains trembling again and I am not afraid

I have been pleasantly surprised at the support we have gotten in our decision to adopt. However I feel the need to address one thing. I've been asked why we don't just adopt an available child since there are so many in need. I really do understand that question. I imagine I'd be asking the same thing if it were someone else. But I know that we were drawn/called to Captain and Sister. They have a permanent place in our hearts. I do hope to adopt another waiting child some day but for now we are fighting for these 2. They were not domestically adopted out from under us (which we have always known was a possibility). They did not pass away. They are still there...waiting. No one is coming for them. The agency described them as "trapped". These kids, our kids need someone to fight for them and that's exactly what we plan to do. So please join us? I've said before that we are not battling against flesh. This battle will be won in the spirit and we need all of our prayer warriors fighting with us. We are so thankful for those that already are.

 "O Lord, there is none like you to help, between the mighty and the weak. Help us, O Lord our God, for we rely on you, and in your name we have come against this multitude. O Lord, you are our God; let not man prevail against you." (2 Chronicles 14:11 ESV)

 Jesus looked at them and said, "With man it is impossible, but not with God. For all things are possible with God." (Mark 10:27 ESV)

 "Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the Lord will do wonders among you." (Joshua 3:5 ESV)